But today can we pretend it’s not too late?

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If you could fall tragically in love with a song, then Sean Lennon‘s ‘Tomorrow‘ was my greatest and saddest love. I can’t even listen to the song any more. This song is about two people who love each other but for some reason they can’t be together any more. They spend one more day together, making the most of it.

I remember the first time I listened to ’Tomorrow’, I just wanted to listen to this one song for the rest of my life. I played it on repeat, burned it onto a CD so I could listen to it in the shower. I just loved singing along to it; I often pretended Sean and I were singing a duet. I don’t know why I was so in love with this song. It was just a very simple song. Maybe the song just had a really catchy chorus or refrain. Maybe I yearned for that sort of great and tragic love. Maybe at the time I was particularly heartbroken. Whatever it was, I listened to it almost every day. I think I ended up clocking around 300 – 500 plays in a year.

After a few years, this song I once sang along to became too difficult to listen to. Those romantic lyrics about promising to stop loving, thinking and dreaming about someone morphed into something else when my dogs died. Rather than a song about the end of a relationship, ‘Tomorrow’ became a reminder of how this wonderful chunk of my life no longer existed. I can’t even think about it without feeling my throat seize up.

Sometimes, I feel like I can’t talk about this grief because it feels almost silly to be this overwhelmed with loss over a dog, but I feel how I feel. I don’t consent to anyone making me feel like my grief for my dogs is less valid than if it was for a person. They’ve been in my life since I was twelve. They were my sisters, and their presence in my life gave me unimaginable joy and purpose.

I hope one day I’ll be able to listen to ‘Tomorrow’ again. In the meantime, I want you to enjoy the song as much as I did.

Just another post about Writer’s Block

Another-blog-post-about-Writer's-BlockI’ve had the WORST writer’s block for the past month. It’s not just affecting my writing, but also my songwriting. I’ve recently written a pretty catchy song. It’s got a melody, a chord structure and all that, but I’m just struggling with writing the lyrics. I’m scared to sing the song with just any lyrics in case I can’t shake them off. GAH.

I’ve been accepted into Footscray Community Arts Centre’s West Writers Group and while I’m learning lots and meeting new people, I’ve also placed a pressure on myself to be “on my game” and write some decent stuff. When I step away from everything, rational thinking tells me to give myself a break and allow myself to make mistakes and write terrible things because it’s better than not writing at all, and it’s the best way you can improve. But of course, I don’t do the rational thing and I just end up feeling paralysed. It’s mostly a confidence issue, but I also struggle to figure out what it is I want to write about, what story I want to tell, and if I have the authority to tell certain stories.

I spent the last two weeks living with Liam’s parents while I did some receptionist work at their company. It was really fantastic for me, not just because I had a “purpose” every day, but it was like taking a break from “creating” and putting more emphasis on reflection. I feel fresher and have a clearer idea of what I want and need to do to get the most out of this writers group.

I’m slowly starting to see this writers group as not just about writing, but an opportunity to dabble and experiment with form. I’m trying to keep an open mind and rather than believe I only do one type of writing (narrative non-fiction, poetry etc), I’m seeing how the form of a text can enhance the content. I’m laying out a rough plan for a piece which has elements of Epic Theatre, so I might even write a play, which I’ve never done in my life!

When it comes to the actual “writer’s block”, there’s heaps of advice out there, but I think the most useful advice I’ve received is just to figure out what it is that’s stopping you from writing and somehow fix it before it affects your words. If you’re already writing something and there’s a particular paragraph or section you just can’t get through, it’s sometimes helpful to just stop, and move onto another project or task.

Here are some resources that might come in handy:

I’m a big fan of Charlie Jane Anders’ writing and she regularly writes posts about writing on io9. Most of it is catered towards Sci-fi writing but they can be applied to other things too. The one I found most useful is her post on the 10 types of writer’s block and how to overcome them. Very handy! http://io9.com/5844988/the-10-types-of-writers-block-and-how-to-overcome-them

Writers Victoria have a whole section on their website dedicated to interesting writing “work outs” by writers for writers: http://writersvictoria.org.au/help-for-writers/writing-workouts

This is not really just for writing, but if you’re lacking inspiration, check out Keri Smith’s 100 Ideas post: http://www.kerismith.com/popular-posts/100-ideas/

What do you do when you have writer’s block?

A sartorial fog

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Everyone has that one item in their closet that encapsulates everything about them. Mine is my Sass bomber jacket with gold sequin sleeves. It fits well, makes me feel confident and lifts a simple striped tee and skinny jeans combo to new heights. I’ve had some really great nights wearing that jacket, and as an added bonus, it cost me $20 at a warehouse sale.

But there are other items lurking in my wardrobe I love just as much as that jacket but, for whatever reason, I can’t bear to part with them despite their ill fit. From a dress I bought in Cambodia that hugs my middle tight than it did three years ago to beautiful dresses I bought online whose fit were slightly off and, after weeks of um-ing and ah-ing meant I could not return it any more, these clothes grow stale in my draws, unable to dance on the bodies of others who can really make them shine. I’ve kept them because part of me wants to believe I will be thin like I was three years ago or I will be able to look great in that dress once I lose that pouch. The fact is, they’re just reminders of what I’m not right now, and rather than move forward and enjoy being in the present, these clothes add aspirational pressure and drag down my self-confidence.

I stumbled across this blog post on Design for Mankind via pinterest. Blogger Erin Loechner said she culled her wardrobe down to 25 items she absolutely loves and wears on a regular basis. She was asked if she felt wasteful for culling so much but she thought it was more wasteful to let items sit in her closet for months without any wear. Inspired by this post, I decided to cull my own wardrobe. Liam mentioned this to his sister and she said she was happy to take any clothes I didn’t want, which actually helped me be more ruthless with the culling process. I guess, knowing some of the more expensive items were going to someone you know made giving it away easier than just putting them in a charity bin. Like Loechner, I nailed it down to 25 items, but I didn’t include shoes, “gym gear” and outer wear in this list as I am a sucker for shoes and coats.

I gave the clothes to Liam’s sister and she was ecstatic about my second hand offerings. My Juicy Couture coat and bevy of pretty dresses fitted her like a glove. I’ll admit, I felt twinges of sadness as I handed over the clothes, but a pressure also lifted itself off my shoulders. I’m no longer reminded of what my body is not, and I’m no longer dressing for what I will be, but what I am now.

Have you culled your wardrobe recently? What was the hardest item to part with?

Film Review: Ceremony (2010)

I’ve recently started reviewing films and shows for ArtsHub and I’ve realised just how rusty I am at it. It actually took me a whole day to write a film review for Violette, which is screening at the Melbourne Queer Film Festival. I really want to get better at it so I’m writing some reviews on the blog to help me improve. I hope you enjoy it! Nothing drives me to watch a potentially tiresome romantic comedy like the promise of Lee Pace playing a narcissistic douche bag. While he doesn’t have long blonde hair or riding a magnificent elk, Pace certainly lights up a few fires in Ceremony with an admittedly awkward British accent and the best hair cut I have ever seen.

Seriously, like all the swoon.

An indie romantic comedy with an understated but colourful aesthetic, Ceremony follows writer Sam Davis (Michael Agarano) and his best friend Marshall (Reece Thompson) as they gatecrash Sam’s former lover Zoe’s (Uma Thurman) wedding to Oscar-winning, filmmaker Whit (Lee Pace), in an attempt to win Zoe over. This is director Max Winkler’s feature debut, and conscious of making Ceremony another film about a man chasing his love, he tries to give his characters depth by emphasising their flaws but it’s so heavily done that it actually has the opposite effect.

Sam Davis is overbearing, arrogant, selfish and a terrible friend to Marshall, who is sensitive and blindingly loyal to Sam. There is no amount of self-awareness that can make the viewer root for Sam to win over his love. Winkler deliberately creates an antagonist like the narcissistic Whit that’s so awful, his mere presence is to amplify Sam’s likability.

What’s most upsetting is seeing another woman in an indie film fall into the one-dimensional pit of the manic pixie dream girl archetype, especially an actress as strong and mesmerising as Uma Thurman. It seems Zoe’s sole existence in this film is to be a beautiful trophy for Sam to claim triumph over Whit. Sam and Whit are constantly talking about Zoe and what sort of person she is but it’s never shown to us. Rather, Winkler relies on Sam and Whit’s interpretation of Zoe to give her character.  Apart from the underdeveloped characters and their lack of chemistry together, Ceremony is a mildly likeable but forgettable film. It tries hard to be thought-provoking with a non-formulaic plot, but it’s not different enough to give it a refreshing spin on an overdone genre. If you’re after a romantic comedy that changes or challenges your perspective on life and love, then Ceremony won’t do that for you. If you, like me, are going through Lee Pace’s back catalogue of films, Ceremony is a lot of fun.

Get your Crunk on!

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted something about my trip to Korea so to ease into everything, I’m going to do a quick post about one of my favourite products discovered on this trip. No, this is not a makeup review. It’s a chocolate review. Boom.

One of the best purchases we made in Korea was this chocolate bar called Crunky. It’s similar to Crunch, except it’s thinner and you can taste the rice. Liam ducked out to the local convenience store to pick up some water and bought a bar. I don’t know what made him choose this bar because it’s quite modest in its packaging, but it does have a funky name so that could be it.

As soon as I took a bite, the malted, toasty flavour of the rice came through, followed by the sweetness of the chocolate. I prefer Crunky over Crunch because the rice to chocolate ratio is more balanced. It’s quite thin so it goes really quickly. The texture is similar to a wafer biscuit. Luckily most convenience stores in Korea sell Crunky in a combo deal, something like three Crunky bars for 2000 won, which is a little over AU$2. I would have happily bought the whole store’s worth of Crunky but Liam talked me out of it so we went to two different stores to buy a couple of bars.

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A lot of blogs on the internet seem to hate on this humble chocolate, and I don’t really know why. Sometimes you don’t want a chocolate bar laced with chewy caramel and nuts. Sometimes, you just want a chocolate bar with a touch of funk, or this case, some crunk.

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I went looking for the bar in Australia and I’ve found it at a few asian grocers in the CBD but they’re a bit different. First of all, the Crunky we import is the japanese kind, which has a box packaging and the bar is much thicker. Tastes the same though! They’ve also got Crunky in bitter, which I’m assuming is dark chocolate. Crunky is also pricier here, about $2.60-3.98 depending on where you go. The internet says Crunky also comes in strawberry flavour, but I haven’t seen any here.

What’s your favourite Asian chocolate?

Architecture in Seoul

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Seoul is known for its amazing food and awesome internet but one thing that really took my breath away when we visited Seoul was the stunning architecture, both old and new. From the futuristic Dongdaemun Plaza to the eight gates of Seoul, Seoul is a fantastic place to visit if you love architecture and rich history.

Ewha Womans University

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After we visited the Bauhouse Dog cafe, we headed to Ewha Womans University to look for some lunch and check out the famous university. This university was founded in 1886 by a missionary called Mary F Scranton, who believe all women deserved the right to an education, which was pretty progressive at the time. You can read more about the history of the university (super interesting!) on their website.

The design of the university is amazing. Even though the university has ultra modern and old, almost gothic elements meshed together, it somehow really works.

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After our quick tour of the university, we explored some of the streets in Ewha, and stumbled across this tiny Japanese ramen bar. There was no english on the menu but the guy working there knew some english and helped us translate it.

Both Liam and I ordered the spicy ramen, but they gave me extra egg because I didn’t eat pork and gave Liam my extra pork. So generous!

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The ramen was perfect, just what we needed after fawning over dogs all day. It was spicy and packed with flavour. I felt very nourished after it!

Sungnyemun Gate

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One of the things I miss most about Seoul is heading to the Namdaemun market in the morning to grab some kimchi buns from our favourite bun place and some japchae hotteok.

On our way to meet up with Liam’s friend Jaewon, we passed through the market and spotted a giant gate in the middle of the road. After some research we found out it is the Sungnyemun Gate, which means Gate of Exalted Ceremonies. According to Wikipedia, the gate was used to greet important foreign people, restrict access into the capital city and “keep out Siberian Tigers”. Cool.

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We were comparing the gates to the Angkar Wat in Cambodia, wondering how the gate is still in such great condition. Apparently there was a 2008 arson attack on gate, which meant it needed to go through some restorations, but even before then, it went through some intense damage due to the Korean War and had to be repaired.

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It’s a pretty epic gate (as you can see in the pictures below), and there are a couple around Seoul. We saw one on our last day but it was gated off from the public so we couldn’t visit it.

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After our brief detour, we walked to Seoul Station. One of the best things about Seoul is it’s pretty easy to walk everywhere if you don’t want to use their awesome subway. I can’t remember how long it took us to walk from Namdaemun market to Seoul station, but it was a quick walk.

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Once there, we met up with Liam’s pal Jaewon and he took us to an awesome Tibetan restaurant, where I had the best lassi and naan bread of my life! It was a really lovely lunch, and afterwards Jaewon showed us around the city before he headed home.

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Dongdaemun Design Plaza

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We headed to Dongdaemun a few times to get our (OK, my) fashion fix. The design plaza left us awestruck. It is such a cool futuristic looking building with all these curves and perspectives. You could plonk you camera anywhere and still take a badass shot. The design plaza was only completed in March 2014 and was designed by award-winning Iraqi British architect Zaha Hadid in partnership with Samoo, an architecture and engineering service in Korea. I heard a story about its history but I can’t find it anywhere on the web so I don’t want to write it in case I get any details wrong.architecture-in-seoul-19architecture-in-seoul-18

This structure is really unlike anything I’ve ever seen in Australia. It really uses space in a very innovative way, and moulds itself very comfortably in such a dense area.

After our short tour of the plaza, we headed back to the museum of modern and contemporary art to meet up with Liam’s new friends Yesong and Kyle, and their son Shawn. We had a great chat at the cafe and decided to have a kick ass dinner in one of the restaurants in a tight alleyway.

Again, everything on the menu was in Korean, so Yesong and Kyle helped translate it.

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Guys, it was here that I had the best kimchi of my life. It was so good, so perfectly balanced in acidity and salt. I could not stop eating it. Liam ordered a kimchi stew which he LOVED and I ordered a seafood broth with slices of noodle dough. Mine was nice, but I was having some intense food envy because Liam couldn’t get over how good his stew was.

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We also had Makgeolli, which is a fermented rice drink, served in a giant pot. We even drank out of bowls, which is so cool. I remember seeing photos of my great grandfather drinking liquor by the bowl. I didn’t like makgeolli the first time I had it but it definitely grew on me. It looks like asian soy milk but it tastes nothing like it. It’s a bit acidic, with a slight boozy buzz.

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So there you have it, a quick recap of the cool architecture in Seoul. Hope you’ve been enjoying my Seoul posts. For more of my posts on Seoul, check out the links below:

First day in Seoul

Exploring art and laneways in Seoul!

Dog Lovin’ at Bauhouse dog cafe